Anxiety is a bit of a Taboo subject, so I thought I would share my own experiences in case others struggle with anxiety as well. I don’t recall being anxious until after I was diagnosed with Celiac in my 40s, but it is possible that my early hyper-productiveness was hidden anxiety. When I was in my 20s and 30s, I’d hop out of bed the moment my eyes opened at 5 a.m. and start being productive. My now Ex-husband eventually got so annoyed with me, he hung a series of beautiful wind chimes outside our bedroom window to get me to chill in bed. My task in the morning was to listen to those chimes, rather than sprinting out of bed to “do things.”  So maybe I was anxious but didn’t frame it that way.

It is possible that after I stopped eating gluten, my body started to unpack (literally and figuratively), so that I could start feeling my anxiety. My entire life I’ve had issues with certain foods, but not feeling well became background noise for me. I’ve never been one to take drugs, except in dire circumstances, so once I realized I was anxious, I tried to discover and resolve the underlying cause. When I started having panic attacks (I was positive I was dying), I went to see a Rolfer, which is a type of body worker. I am a firm believer that we hold our emotions, particularly tough emotions like fear, grief, sadness, in our bodies. They say (those that hold this view) that the pain in your elbow could be your grief over losing your Aunt Mathilda so to speak. With regular sessions with the Rolfer, my panic attacks stopped (and I released old emotions.) But as the years went on, I began to realize that I was still anxious. In the early years of starting the bakery, I had a lot to be anxious about, so it didn’t occur to me that maybe I was suffering from “anxiety.” But one day, when I was on vacation (with nothing to be anxious about), I realized I awoke anxious. Knowing I had nothing to be anxious about, I quietly centered myself and could feel the anxiety was emanating from my body, not my mind.

That first awareness was eye-opening. It was the first time I considered that anxiety could be physically based, rather than mentally based. I have a mediation practice so I know what quiet mind is, and what I was experiencing was a quiet mind with an anxious body!  And I realized that my anxiety usually starts in the body, and then my mind grabs on to something to be anxious about!

At first I didn’t know what was causing this body centered anxiety, but eventually I began to keep a food diary and realized certain foods were causing my anxiety. When I avoided those foods, my body and mind were peaceful, even when I had real things to be anxious about!  If I slipped up, and ate chocolate for instance, the anxiety would creep back in. So for the most part, I am able to eliminate my anxiety with diet. Every once in a while, however, when I only cheat a tiny bit (I love chocolate!) I will wake up (or toss and turn) with full blown anxiety. In those instances, I quiet my mind and I find where in my body there is a strong sensation. Usually for me it is a shaking of muscles or tendons in a particular place in my body. I have found that if I rest my mind on the strong sensation, eventually I will feel relief, (and a zipping feeling through my gut and stomach). Something lets go in my body, a memory or emotion comes up, and if I allow it to flow into my consciousness, my body anxiety recedes. I have my own theories, based on my own personal experiences, why this happens. One is our gut flora is affected by food and emotions, and the gut, as science is beginning to understand, is the second brain. But there could be other explanations as well. If you have anxiety, I would strongly encourage you to start a meditation practice and a food journal. Discover what your body is trying to tell you. Read up on the role the gut plays in terms of mind and emotions. Know what foods work for you and which don’t. Those of us with food sensitivities are canaries in the coal mine.